Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Traditional Mizrahim

Most Israelis are not really interested in the cancellation of the Kotel compromise. Either they are Orthodox religious and not interested in egalitarian prayer, or they are secular and not interested in prayer at all (regardless if they support the compromise or not). I think if people are thinking about it at all, its whether or not we should be angering the rich American Jews that donate a lot of money  and speak up for us in the US corridors of power. The issue itself is not a burning matter in Israeli society.

The pressure groups pushing this in Israel are small, well-funded, and very vocal, but they don't really represent many Israelis (Women of the Wall are regarded mainly as a curiosity). Their being strongly aligned with the left makes them and their agenda a bit suspect.

Historically in Israel, you were either religious or secular. In recent years it has become clear that this is no longer the case, and perhaps it never was. For the great masses of Olim from Arab and Muslim countries, it certainly never was.

A few years ago, a friend lost her mother. She put on a long dress and covered her hair and appeared to have suddenly become very observant. After a year, she put her jeans back on and went to the hair salon for a haircut. It wasn't that she had suddenly become Haredi and changed her life. She had always been traditional; you just couldn't see it, because she didn't 'wear it'. The outward change was just her way to connect spiritually with the memory of her mother. It was her way to mourn.

Another friend at one point became close to a Kabbalist rabbi. He spent his nights dipping in the ritual bath, praying, and studying with the rabbi and the other students. He went to Uman, to the grave of Rabbi Nahman, three times. Eventually, his wife complained. The rabbi said peace in the family comes first and sent him home. And that was that.

A lot of people I know straddle the religious observant world and the secular world, moving between them quite naturally, without overthinking things. This is their way.

They will eat kosher, but at times don't mind eating in restaurants without kashrut certificates. They just make sure not to order non-Kosher meat or dishes that mix milk and meat.

They may lay tefillin in the morning at work, and join the after lunch minyan, but don't beat themselves up about missing a day here or there. They may go to Shul Friday night and Saturday morning, and then take the kids to the beach.

These people identify as masorati, traditional. They are true believers, deeply connected to their Jewish roots, but just not prepared to walk the walk full time.

And they are Orthodox. If you should suggest to them that they are 'Reform' or 'Conservative', they would be horrified.

Yesterday, an American rabbi on Twitter explained to me that surveys show that the majority of secular Israelis identify as Con/Masorti. This was part of an attempt to prove to me that "90% of Jews in the world are non-Orthodox".

Now the Jewish Conservative movement (religious not political) in Israel has translated its name in Hebrew as 'Masorti', traditional. Most Israelis are not aware of this. They are hardly aware of the differences between the various types of non-Orthodox Judaism prevalent in the US. So obviously this rabbi was misunderstanding the meaning of the reports she was quoting. People identifying as masorati  מסורתיare not connecting themselves in any way to the 'Konservativim' קונסרבטיבים, which are pretty marginal in Israel, and, as a movement, mainly serves a smallish number of Anglo-Israelis, some Israeli stragglers, and secular Ashkenazis looking for a Bar Mitzva venue, where the whole family can sit together.

When pressed, secular Ashkenazis would probably identify as more Reform or Conservative than anything else. There is also a growing trend, still quite small, of secular Ashkenazis building intimate little communities of more open and fluid spiritual practice, based on traditional Jewish religious ritual. These communities study and sing together, filling the void created by their great-grandparents who rejected Jewish religiosity for secular Socialist Zionism.

Sephardim and Mizrahim, on the whole, have no need or interest in these communities, because they experience no such void. There was no ideology or decision involved in the lessening of their religious observance. It was just part of being absorbed into a secular society, when they came here.  As Sephardim and Mizrahim gain self-confidence and significance on the Israeli social spectrum, we are witnessing a mass return to observance and tradition by ordinary people, a true grassroots reconnection with their original identity.

Just as Israelis don't understand the intricacies of American Jewish life, I think liberal American Jews underestimate and misunderstand the same intricacies in Israel. This is perhaps a result of their socializing nearly exclusively with secular, left wing Ashkenazis, who themselves often despise and belittle the interesting religious developments among Mizrahim.  

An aside: My very perceptive 22 year old daughter contends that the divide between Ashkenazim and Sephardim/Mizrahim in Israel is mainly cultural these days, and not ethnic.


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Breathing Lessons (Ascendance)

The first time you came, 
In shriveled white pony tail,
I was young, and hungry
For your Siberian grass.
Mindlessly subdued by your bell.

The next time you came,
Armed with niggun, 
Wrapped in plastic pink prayer shawl,
I sang, I danced, I cried out.
Thinking finally home.

The third time you came,
I was grown, you were arrogant.
No longer your sure thing, Joe.
You didn't see the disgust
Growing in my eyes.

You still come
And I turn away. 
You tell me change.
I think
You fool. You dead fool.

After all these years together,
All your efforts, still
You have failed
To make me
You.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Please meet Bassem Eid

Erez Tzadok 


He is a Palestinian human rights activist, worked for seven years at B'Tselem, established his own organization, was arrested by Arafat and released after American intervention, and says what he believes the majority wants to say and can not.

I  have known Bassem Eid for two days. I met him yesterday for the first time in Philadelphia. We both came here as part of a lecture tour in universities and Jewish communities in the United States on the subject of BDS, the boycott of Israel and Israeli industry in Judea and Samaria.

I planned to write here about my impressions of university lectures and of course what I have to say on the subject, and I will do that in the next column, but after hearing Bassem Eid speaking at the first event in a Jewish community in Pennsylvania, I told him I wanted to interview him for this column.

I can start with what he has to say, but it seems to me that this is too interesting and important to be brought without a proper background. So let's start from the beginning. Who is Bassem Eid? His story is fascinating in and of itself.

Bassam was born in 1958 in Jerusalem, in the Jewish Quarter of the Old City. The Jewish Quarter was, of course, under Jordanian control and 500 Arab families lived there. Palestinian families, Bassem says. In 1966, the Shuafat refugee camp was established in East Jerusalem, and the Jordanians evacuated all 500 families to the camp. Bassem still does not know the motive of this. The area remained empty until the Six-Day War, when Israeli paratroopers entered the Jewish Quarter and the Old City.

In the old city Bassem's family lived in a rented apartment. The Jordanian soldiers offered his father two rooms in East Jerusalem and 80 square meters of garden, which was an opportunity for a tailor, a mother who did not work and ten children. His the father did not know that from a normal house in the Old City with toilets and running water, they would be moving to a dismal place with toilets and running water at the end of the street, and a yard that they would have to fence for themselves. Bassem came to live in the refugee camp at the age of eight, and lived there for 33 years.

A neighbor of the Eid family dug a cave under his house. During the Six-Day War, the families came to the neighbor's house and all went into hiding in the cave. There was also a police station in the camp. The two policemen at the station came to the house and asked for women's clothes, in order to disguise themselves so their identity would not be revealed.

At the age of 41 Bassem left the refugee camp, married with two children. His two other children were born in his new home in Beit Hanina. In 2004 he moved to Jericho, where he lives to this day. The children study in Jerusalem.

He began his professional career as a journalist for Kol Ha'Ir newspaper in Jerusalem at the age of 28. He worked for Kol Ha'Ir for two or three years, and there he met the Israeli left, connected with Dedi Zucker from 'Ratz' (now Meretz) , Haim (Jumas) Oron and others.

When he read in any newspaper that an Israeli organization was being established to investigate human rights violations committed by Palestinians in the territories - later B'Tselem - he applied and was accepted. For seven and a half years, Bassem worked for B'Tselem. In June 1996, B'Tselem's administration held a lengthy discussion on the question of whether to deal with the violation of Palestinian human rights by the Palestinian Authority or to deal only with the violation of Palestinian human rights by Israel. Once the decision was made to focus only on human rights violations by Israel and to ignore Palestinian rights violations by the Palestinian Authority, Bassem immediately resigned.

His departure from B'Tselem took place two years after Arafat and the Palestinian Authority entered Gaza and the West Bank. Several months after his departure from B'Tselem, he established a human rights organization called "The Palestinian Group for the Protection of Human Rights." The organization's goal is to deal with the violation of Palestinian human rights by the Palestinian Authority. Why specifically by the Authority? I asked him. Why not all violations? Bassem says that the reason is that the violation of Palestinian human rights by the Palestinian Authority are far more damaging than those of Israel, because they come from the Palestinians' own administration.

"These are the people we fought to bring them to Israel," Bassem says, "and they violate our human rights all the time, it's not the PLO that liberated the Palestinians, it's us Palestinians who liberated the PLO from the Arab dictatorship."

He defines the BDS organization, which is trying to encourage a boycott against Israel and specifically against the companies operating in Judea and Samaria as "genocide of the Palestinian economy." A harsh and difficult sentence, but Bassem insists on it.

"A very important question is who appointed the BDS to speak for the Palestinians," he says passionately. "The BDS are in Europe and the United States, and they have no presence in the West Bank, nor in the Gaza Strip or in the Arab countries. These people want to continue their activities on (the backs of) Palestinian suffering, as do the United Nations and UNRWA (UNRWA - the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees). They all make a living on our backs and our suffering. All of these people have a political interest that there will be no solution for the Palestinians because it is their livelihood and work. They do not strive for a solution, but manage the conflict in order to stay. "

I asked Bassem what he thought should be done. Here, too, he had a clear and clear answer: "138 UN states recognized the state of Palestine in September 2013. Where is that state? I ask. Let someone show me this state. Those who really want to care for a Palestinian State, should start building the country before it is declared. They should build infrastructure, build institutions, build an economy, and solve the refugee problem. Resolving the refugee problem does not necessarily mean the 'Right of Return'. In general, there are not many Palestinians who believe in the right of return. It has become theoretical or declarative but impractical. What will solve the refugee problem? Budgets, infrastructure, investments and the economy. Before you recognize the state, you start building its economy. "

And what about Rawabi, the new Palestinian city, I asked him. Is that not building a city, building an economy? "No one can understand what Rawabi is," he replies. "You know that Qatar's flag is flying over Rawabi? Not the PA flag. Is it a Qatari city? Every time I go there, I see an empty city. I am told that in two months, 250 families will move in. Every time. The families who bought houses in Rawabi are Arab Israelis or Arab families who live in New York. No refugees have bought there and I doubt there will be refugees allowed to buy there, because refugees will lower the standard of living. As usual, the Palestinians don't like the refugees, although most of them are themselves refugees.

The Europeans Bassem says - if you are going to label products from the settlements, if you do not buy these products, we Palestinians will buy them. According to Bassem, there are quite a number of Palestinians who smuggle the products of the settlements into the Palestinian markets, and everyone knows, including the Palestinian Authority. Not only does the Palestinian Authority know, senior PA officials receive bribes to approve the transfer of Israeli products and Judea and Samaria products into the black market in the Palestinian territories. In fact, the PA has an interest in creating a black market, because it injects the intakes of bribes into it.

I asked Bassem if he was sure I could write this. Sure, he says. At this point I asked him how he was still alive. He says that the Palestinian Authority uses him. When it is claimed that there is no democracy in the PA, they point to Bassem Eid and say,' Here, he speaks against us and lives among us, and nothing happens to him'. I should point out that after he retired from B'Tselem and decided to deal with human rights violations by the PA, Arafat threw him in jail. After 25 hours under arrest, Arafat received an angry phone call from then-Secretary of State Warren Christopher, and Bassem was released. Since then, he has enjoyed American sponsorship, it is invisible, but it is there.

In conclusion, he says, "There is no Palestinian economy, and if there is, it relies on the Israeli economy. When Palestinian workers are fired because of the BDS, it is not only the dismissal of the workers themselves. The problem is that the children of the workers who have been fired are denied the right to health insurance. The Israeli are the only ones doing something about the Palestinian economy. The Arab countries are not trying to improve the situation, neither are  Palestinian businessmen. We are building the settlements and I say this without a problem because we have no other alternative. The Palestinians are a people who wants to live. Before we want self-definition, we want to live. No one cares about our economy and our lives, except for the Israelis. This is the truth, and I say it on behalf of most Palestinians who cannot speak because they will be harmed. I am immune, so I speak on their behalf. If you confiscate settlement products, you harm us, not the factories in the settlements. If you buy, we work; we make a living and we are able to live in dignity. That is what everyone on earth wants".


These are the words of a courageous man who tells a different and unique story, and he claims that he speaks for a lot of Palestinians, for the silent majority that wants to work, to make a living, and asks the world to buy Judea and Samaria products, in order to help them. For the silent majority that wants to live in peace with Israel, that suffers from the rule of the Palestinian Authority, but in the absence of the immunity that Bassem enjoys, refrains from speaking. For the silent majority who says, surprisingly or not, that the only country that cares for the Palestinians and their economy is the State of Israel.

Tuesday, May 09, 2017

The Casual Anti-Semitism of Millennial Woes

Scottish alt-right vlogger Millennial Woes has published a video in which he describes a British actress who is also a left-wing activist. He debates if she is Jewish, but decides it isn't relevant because she isn't obsessed with breaking, deconstructing and dismantling Western and British society, which he apparently believes is what Jewish academics do ('stereotypically', as he pointed out in reaction to my comment, as if this makes his way of thinking any better).

I don't think he even begins to understand how horrible this statement is. Where do people get these ideas from? I think in his case it is probably from Kevin MacDonald, an alt-right academic who has some really nasty theories about Jews, that he seems to have put together from misunderstanding some stuff about Jews and Judaism, some of it true, most of it exaggerated and taken out of context. 


“…The father wrote a TV series that was about Jews, that implies, that suggests to me that he himself was Jewish which therefore means that his daughter would be in some sense, I don’t know whether she would identify as Jewish, I don’t know if she would be considered Jewish unless the mother was. I don’t know. Erm, but, that’s kind of, I don’t know whether it’s relevant because the fact is this girl, this woman, her persona online today, doesn’t seem Jewish. It seems absolutely gentile, champagne socialist. Now, what I mean by that is she doesn’t seem obsessed with breaking things down. You know, in the stereotypical Jewish academic way. It’s not that she’s trying to destroy our society, on the contrary, I think she’s very much wedded to the comfort that she enjoys, erm, and actually, I think what she is obsessed with is not deconstructing, dismantling, Western society, or British society, I think she’s obsessed with being better than the plebs, being better than everyone, being more sophisticated, more educated, more informed, than everyone else, which I think is the prime motivation  for the champagne socialist.”

Revealing the Lies of 'Breaking the Silence'

Gilad Tzweik |  07/05/2017

'Breaking the Silence' spokesman Dean Issacharoff says that during his service he beat up an innocent Palestinian. In response, his subordinates call him a liar. The organization refuses to comment on the matter

Recently, 'Breaking the Silence' spokesman Dean Issacharoff, a former brigade commander in the Nahal Brigade, testified that during his military service he beat up an innocent Palestinian till he bled, in full view of his soldiers. 'Reservists on the Front Line' organization responded with a video in which former fighters who served with Issacharoff ostensibly refute his 'testimony'.

"This is a person who comes and falsely accuses us of things that didn't happen," says Omri Seiner, the former company commander of Issacharoff, in the video. Later in the video, the fighters, some of whom served under Issacharoff, make it clear that the incident he describes "never happened" and call their former brother-in-arms "a liar". 'Reservists on the Front Line' also announced that they have asked the State Attorney's Office to consider investigating the 'Breaking the Silence' spokesperson for the serious acts he attributes to himself.

We contacted 'Breaking the Silence' several times for a response, but as of date of writing, no response has been received.

As we have reported in the past in 'Mida', 'Breaking the Silence' insists that the testimonies publicized by the organization are highly reliable. "The process of verifying our testimonies is very professional," says Ido Ibn-Jaz, a former artillery fighter who serves as the coordinator of 'Breaking the Silence''s educational activities. According to Ibn Jaz, verification of the testimonies in the organization is "meticulous, even geeky, and it is difficult to bring us down. To this day, I know of not one testimony of ours that has been found to be false. The most that has happened has been the uncovering of certain details unknown to the witness. But this happened innocently, a result of lack of knowledge, not out of a desire to lie ".

These statements are inaccurate. First of all, an absolute majority of the "testimonies" given are anonymous, often without context of place or time, making the task of refuting them difficult, if not impossible. Recently, the state asked 'Breaking the Silence' members to reveal the identity of one of the organization's 'witnesses' whose testimony raised suspicions of war crimes, but 'Breaking the Silence' refused to do so, claiming that the exposure might prevent additional soldiers from approaching them.

In cases where it was possible to verify testimonies published by 'Breaking the Silence', as in the case of Issacharof and his former subordinates, they often turned out to be distorted, twisted, devoid of context, manipulative, and according to the Israel TV program 'The Source', often even false .

Three weeks ago, for example, a former fighter in an armored infantry unit requested to refute the testimony that he and his colleagues   allegedly blew up the door of a Palestinian family in the belief that there was a wanted (Palestinian combatant) staying there, but turned out to be the wrong address. "I don't remember him being on the team he describes", claims the former fighter with regard to the testimony of the 'Breaking the Silence' activist. "It's just painful, and I'm fed up that someone who was one of us uses the unit for his own personal purpose, to denigrate as much possible, so that his organization 'Breaking the Silence' has yet another imaginary testimony". It should be noted that even if the testimony of the 'Breaking the Silence' activist was true, he did not describe an intentional act against innocents but an operational malfunction, which is a regrettable side effect of the Sisyphean and exhausting battle against Palestinian terrorism.

In the past, a group of fighters approached Avner Gavrihu, a former member of a paratrooper unit and former spokesman for 'Breaking the Silence', claiming that his "testimonies" of crimes he allegedly committed with his unit members did not actually take place. "We have also decided to break the silence", the fighters wrote to Gavrihu, claiming that he accused them of "things that never happened or were completely distorted from the ground up, and divorced from reality."

Gavrihu's fellow combatants contradicted a serious accusation of his, that fighters entered the homes of Palestinians in Hebron who had a satellite dish in order to watch soccer games. A former spokesman for 'Breaking the Silence' also told foreign tourists that he and his friends stood on the roofs of Palestinian houses with "a machine gun that kills within a radius of 50 meters." According to the colleagues in Gavrihu's unit, "The only World Cup that took place when we were in the army was in 2006, "No one went into any house to see a soccer match," they said.

Gavrihu was also forced to confront a combatant who participated in 'Operation Protective Edge' (Summer 2014), claiming that 'Breaking the Silence' distorted reality when they presented a structure from which three Hamas terrorists set out to kill two IDF soldiers as an innocent mosque that the IDF destroyed for no reason. Gavrihu's responded with a vague explanation that the mosque sheltering Hamas combatants preparing to kill IDF soldiers, "is not related to the testimony that was brought, but to reality, and that it is important to discuss."

In other cases, the testimonies given by 'Breaking the Silence' are truly ridiculous. For example, when a former observer described soldiers firing at sheep near the border fence with the Gaza Strip. Of course, there is no reason to encourage indiscriminate shooting of animals, but the observer's testimony clearly indicates that it was reasonable to assume that the person herding the sheep was not an innocent shepherd, but rather a man recruited by Hamas to provide hostile intelligence on the movement of IDF forces in the area - a recognized practice in the Palestinian terrorist organization.

'Breaking the Silence' people are not only unreliable in their testimonies about the period of their service, but also during tours they conduct for tourists and Israeli citizens in Hebron. A participant in one of these tours revealed that a guide from the left-wing organization provided tourists with false 'facts'. For example, the guide told tourists that the murderer Baruch Goldstein is considered a "national hero" among many Israelis, and that Israel prevents Palestinians access to water in order to "force them out of the area."

Finding it difficult to collect testimonies
'Breaking the Silence' receives significant donations from foreign sources (according to the NGO Monitor, the organization has received close to NIS 12 million over the past four years), but it appears that despite the flow of cash, 'Breaking the Silence' has a hard time supplying the anti-Israel goods. A quick search in the 'Testimonies' page on the organization website shows that in the last two and a half years, it has been unable to publish even a single new testimony of immoral acts allegedly committed by IDF soldiers against Palestinians. For example, in the organization's latest report – 'Upper Command: Settler Influence on IDF Activity in the West Bank ' - published last January, the most recent 'testimonies' are from 2014.

Departing 'Breaking the Silence' chairwoman Yuval Novak recently claimed that "we love Israel and hate the occupation". She added that the participants in the organization's overseas conferences "thank us" for the fact that thanks to 'Breaking the Silence', they can tell themselves that "Israel is legitimate, but there is a policy that needs to be changed". Reality, as usual, is the opposite. Hamas, for example, uses the materials of the Israeli leftist organization to cover up its crimes in 'Operation Protective Edge', and the organization's reports are widely and sympathetically cited in the Al-Jazeera network, which is funded by Qatar, one of Hamas's main supporters. There is no great love for Israel there. As we have extensively covered in the past on 'Mida', the far left organization receives generous monetary donations from organizations closely connected to the BDS (boycott) movement and that reject the right of Israel to exist as a Jewish state.


Perhaps there is some logic in Novak's statement that the organization she heads ostensibly helps Israel. For when an Israeli organization receives millions of dollars from anti-Israeli elements to discredit IDF fighters around the world, and the only product it is capable of delivering is anonymous and detached or easily refuted evidence, there seems to be no better proof that the IDF "is the most moral army in the world".

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Shoosha is leaving us today






Shoosha has never been a very happy cat. We tried to give her the best home we could, but we had no experience and didn't do a very good job. Things got worse and worse, even after the behavioral counselling. Her aggressive behavior, mainly towards Bish, has made life increasingly unbearable for him and she has to go.

We are lucky that the wonderful people at the Girgurim cat sanctuary are willing to take her in. The girls and I will be taking her over there this afternoon. A sad day for us (but not for Bish who is relieved).

Girgurim are looking for a loving home for her - it has to be people with experience with cats, no kids and no babies, and who are willing to be assisted with behavioral counselling for her, and possibly daily medical treatment as well. Please ask any big-hearted cat lovers you know.
I will miss her company and our little chats, even though they tended to be rather onesided. It will bw most difficult for Eldest, who was always her favorite human. But even she realized that there was no choice.

We hope she will find a nice home, and be happier. And even if she has to stay at the sanctuary, maybe she will be happy there.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Some personal news

My father has passed away.

I started blogging in June 2002 when my mother was very ill. Among other things it was a means of coping with what was happening. The intensity of obssessive blogging was good for muffling the feelings I couldn't cope with. She died in November 2002.

This time around I couldn't cope with blogging at all. Funny that, isn't it? My mother's illness got me chattering and my father's - shut me up. But then, I have changed a lot from then to now. Changed and not changed.

One day about a fortnight or so ago, I was with my father and he was at his computer. Even checking up on his mail had become far too confusing for him, this man who had always been so capable, independent and sharp. And he wouldn't let me help.

Suddenly he was in my blog. But he was just staring at the screen blankly. He obviously couldn't make the words out, or couldn't remember what he was doing. It broke my heart.

Please whoever is reading this take care and be well.

Monday, May 18, 2009

You know the feeling when you're in a dream and you discover you've got nothing on?

So it came to be that I did a few nice powerpoint presentations for the #2 in my organization. (This is a person so high up I never saw him in my previous job, although his office was onlytwo flights up)

Next thing I know he's decided I'm the most suitable replacement for his #2 while she is on maternity leave. Now this is an extremely talented, capable and motivated young lady, who holds a highly qualified position which requires a great deal of understanding and knowledge in a field of expertise about which I know nothing. Less than nothing. And it consists of a lot of little numbers and moving positions and round and things. (I'm pathetic with numbers. My mind just shuts down). It's a bigwig organization executive sort of thing. To make things worse, she's a really, really lovely person who everyone loves to work with, even while she's gently but firmly explaining the inner workings of the next major cutback to the top brass of the field departments. At least if she was horrible, people would be happy with me even if I was hopeless. Oh and there's that too. Her job means dealing out unpleasantness to the bigwigs all the time. It's her job. Me? I get all tongue-tied and embarrassed and forget what I wanted to say, even if I've been rehearsing in my head for hours.

So anyway, I learned I was to be her replacement a week before she was due. She gave me a short and hurried tutorage and then she was gone.

I thought I'd died and gone to hell.


A week and a half later I'm still not sure that that's not what happened. I stare blankly at every e-mail I get on the organization intra-net, racking my brains, trying to understand what it means and what I have to do.

Luckily for me, (or is it unluckily? I'm not sure as yet) the young lady in question is so very motivated, she actually took a computer home with her, hooked up to the organization network. Now that she's home from the hospital with the baby, she answers most of the mail herself and generally tells me what to do. This not only makes me feel utterly useless (which I am), but also terribly guilty that I'm not being more of a help. It also means people tend to address their mail to her and not to me (I can see her mail as well as mine), so I feel even more of a fool.


Friends remind me that taking the computer home was her choice and this is true. I also remind myself, as does my regular boss (who isn't too happy about the situation), that I actually can't lose here (well, except face, and also I hate to disappoint someone who has put his trust in me). If I fail dismally, I will be off the hook in the future for such additional duties.

And additional duty it is. My usual stuff is piling up. People are calling up all the time to beg me to update this table or that database, and the most I can do is promise to try and find time. You see, I haven't got a replacement. Too lowly and insignificant. From this new temporary position, I can actually see that when I leave my current position, for whatever reason, be it retirement or in search of a better one, the position is marked for something near to cancellation.

Now, in case you were wondering, this replacement business cannot become permanent, because of certain bureaucratic perculiarities of my organization among other things. First of all I'm too old to switch to management. Secondly it's not worth my while from the point of view of salary. With twenty years on the job, I currently earn more than I would as a rookie manager. Third, she's so dedicated, the young lady I'm replacing - why would anyone in their right mind exchange her with me? And last but not least, I love my regular job. I certainly don't want to move up to the top floor for good. It's dead lonely up there. I try my best to do all my duties, old and new, from my usual office, escaping upstairs to her drafty big office only when I need some peace and quiet to concentrate on the latest puzzling incoming e-mail.

One good thing about the whole business, besides its keeping me out of mischief, is that suddenly the spectre of organization reshuffles, that could find me doing something really awful, doesn't seem so scary. Whatever they could get me to do, in that eventuality, it couldn't possibly be as hard as this, or as ill-suited to my abilities, could it?

Mind you, grumble grumble, I did manage to pull together a major project last week (no great feather in my cap - it was yet another major cutback program. What a start!). And I'm doing quite a good job at the moment, if I do say so myself, of reducing the whole 2010 overview onto an intelligible four slide presentation. So what if most of the time I feel as out of place, frustrated and mystified as I did as a twenty four year old new recruit?