Friday, June 20, 2003

I made it!
Today is Not a Fish's first blogiversary.

This has probably been the most emotionally intense and aware year of my life.

This year I sat with my mother and held her hand as her body gradually betrayed her (Or was it her holding my hand?). And we said our goodbyes. This year my mother left that treacherous body of hers and I watched it being lowered into its resting place and being covered with soil. I have struggled to internalize and understand my new relationship with her, for she is still with me in a very real way, maybe even more than before.

I don't know how this process would have unfolded had I not been observing it and experiencing it with the help of this new mode of expression I have found through blogging. The words have always been whirling round my head for as long as I can remember, but I never knew I could string them together as meaningful sentences, and I never knew how insightful this practice could prove to be.

In the year that has past, there has hardly been a day that I haven't thus strung words together and put most of them on display for others to read, something I never would have believed I would ever dare to do. I have learnt that if I am feeling very strong emotions, I can look at them, understand them, and deal with them, by writing about them. This is a wonderful gift.

Everyone who has visited Not a Fish, linked to me, written me an e-mail or a comment (when I still had them) or "just" read what I had to say (and I am still amazed that anyone should want to) is a part of this. I am deeply grateful to you all. You have enriched my life in a way I find hard to describe.

All my life, I think, I have spent learning about, and trying to deal with, my weaknesses and shortcomings. This year I have been learning, maybe for the first time, about my strengths and abilities.

This was my very first post, written a year ago. Little more than a link (Sorry, I didn't know how to link directly to a post back then) and a quote, it is still relevant. I think it sort of sums up this whole year for me. Thank you, Diane.